Humor in the Air
A light approach, in plain language
Jack Hartmann
Issue date: 9/17/08 Section: Final Approach
Q: Last year several airline flights had to land somewhere else because they were low on fuel. Now, I find that pilots sometimes don't fill up their tanks all the way. Wouldn't it be safer to fill them full all the time?
A: The FAA (my dear friends) say that as a minimum we have to have enough fuel to get to our destination (how novel!), then get to an alternate airport (if the weather is bad) and then have 45 minutes of flying time left over.
The captain has the discretion to add extra fuel and some do it all the time! We had one of those-I'll call him Captain Doofus. Every time he prepared for a flight he'd call the dispatcher and say: "Add an extra 10,000 pounds of fuel for the wife and kids." Even when the weather was crystal clear.
By the way, yes, we measure jet fuel in pounds! Takeoff and landing weights are critical and we don't want to spend all the time converting gallons to pounds. Our fuel flow gauges read in pounds per hour.
"Fuel is brains," my fellow pilots would say. Sometimes unexpected things would happen and traffic would back up like an L.A. freeway. Doofus would think he was a rocket scientist because he had all that extra fuel.
The problem is, it takes extra fuel to carry that 10,000 pounds of fuel - about 4% per hour depending on the aircraft model. That means for a 3-hour flight, it would take 1200 pounds of fuel, which is about 180 gallons. At $2.00 or so per gallon, it comes to $360. Sure buys a lot of pretzels.
Look at it this way. The airline is trying to save weight by removing pillows and Doofus is putting on 10,000 pounds of fuel he doesn't need.
One time Doofus really got into trouble: He insisted on an extra 10,000 pounds but this caused the aircraft to be 4,000 pounds overweight for takeoff (an FAA no-no). The poor agent had to go onboard and ask 24 passengers to deplane!! Back then we used an average weight of 170 pounds per passenger. (24 x 170 = 4080 lbs.)
Needless to say, Doofus did a "rug dance" for the Chief Pilot when he got back. A rug dance is where you shuffle your feet on the carpet while trying to explain what you did wrong. Most pilots have had to do a rug dance-except me of course!
Jack Hartmann has been an aviator for over 44 years-Airline Captain (TWA), Corporate Pilot, Sky Marshal, Fighter Pilot (USAF & ANG), General Aviation pilot (CFII) and Asst. Professor, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (Prescott).
A: The FAA (my dear friends) say that as a minimum we have to have enough fuel to get to our destination (how novel!), then get to an alternate airport (if the weather is bad) and then have 45 minutes of flying time left over.
The captain has the discretion to add extra fuel and some do it all the time! We had one of those-I'll call him Captain Doofus. Every time he prepared for a flight he'd call the dispatcher and say: "Add an extra 10,000 pounds of fuel for the wife and kids." Even when the weather was crystal clear.
By the way, yes, we measure jet fuel in pounds! Takeoff and landing weights are critical and we don't want to spend all the time converting gallons to pounds. Our fuel flow gauges read in pounds per hour.
"Fuel is brains," my fellow pilots would say. Sometimes unexpected things would happen and traffic would back up like an L.A. freeway. Doofus would think he was a rocket scientist because he had all that extra fuel.
The problem is, it takes extra fuel to carry that 10,000 pounds of fuel - about 4% per hour depending on the aircraft model. That means for a 3-hour flight, it would take 1200 pounds of fuel, which is about 180 gallons. At $2.00 or so per gallon, it comes to $360. Sure buys a lot of pretzels.
Look at it this way. The airline is trying to save weight by removing pillows and Doofus is putting on 10,000 pounds of fuel he doesn't need.
One time Doofus really got into trouble: He insisted on an extra 10,000 pounds but this caused the aircraft to be 4,000 pounds overweight for takeoff (an FAA no-no). The poor agent had to go onboard and ask 24 passengers to deplane!! Back then we used an average weight of 170 pounds per passenger. (24 x 170 = 4080 lbs.)
Needless to say, Doofus did a "rug dance" for the Chief Pilot when he got back. A rug dance is where you shuffle your feet on the carpet while trying to explain what you did wrong. Most pilots have had to do a rug dance-except me of course!
Jack Hartmann has been an aviator for over 44 years-Airline Captain (TWA), Corporate Pilot, Sky Marshal, Fighter Pilot (USAF & ANG), General Aviation pilot (CFII) and Asst. Professor, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University (Prescott).
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