Horizons Online Edition

Issue date: 10/29/08 Section: Diversions

Media Credit: Public Domain

Trick-or-treating: this age-old tradition, celebrated by children and sugar-lovers everywhere, somehow becomes socially unacceptable when one reaches a predetermined age, but why? Why must the proverbial fire die? What adult doesn't revel in the opportunity to receive free candy while dressed up in a ridiculous outfit? I cannot think of a single reason for turning down free candy, unless, of course, it is homemade candy. It seems we all realize the obvious stupidity of accepting homemade candy from a stranger. Simply put: trick-or-treating is nothing more than receiving free candy.

How far do we adults go in today's society for free things? We clip coupons, we "supersize" for only another quarter because we think that the fry-to-cent ratio is in our favor. So why can a 30-year-old man not wear his favorite SpongeBob pajamas and a cape and walk around at night asking for free food? Inherent creepiness aside, why is society prejudiced against adults on this most haunted night?

Who of you doesn't glance at the "take-a-penny-leave-a-penny" tray and think of how much could be done with all those free pennies? Now, this is a rhetorical question; it is obvious that we all dream of that spearmint gum pack we were too cheap to buy just seconds ago, that spearmint gum that would taste all the better just because it was free. How is this different from trick-or-treating? Other than, of course, the fact that in the mini-mart we were not wearing an outfit reminiscent of our favorite superhero (including fake muscles to impress the ladies).

I suspect the real reason for our aversion to trick-or-treating is not our fear of that creepy thirty-year-old, but rather, our aversion is to buying candy to hand out. Although in a utopian society candy would rain from the skies and everyone could trick-or-treat, the fact is that in our society someone must actually purchase the candy.

If we all went trick-or-treating, who would we get candy from? We would all get candy, only to hand out our candy to other costume-donned adults. In the end, we would either go from house to house only to find that the family is out trick-or-treating, or we would go from house to house only to find that they are handing out the very candy that we gave them. And how uncool is it to re-gift? Inevitably, we would be faced with a society angry at their neighbors because they re-gifted the candy that was given to them. Society would devolve into chaos, and Halloween would devolve into a night of true terror, where criminals roamed the streets and were hunted by mask-wearing, bloodthirsty children with axes.

Unfortunately, although we would all like free candy, the limit must remain to keep adults off the streets, or else terrible, terrible things would occur, staining this once-fun holiday forever. And who wants that over a delicious Twix bar?

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